I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
