I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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