nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
