you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
