just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
