Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
