i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
