"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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