I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
