i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
