U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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