We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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