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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
