Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
