once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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