Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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