the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
