HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
