RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
