for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
