it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
