Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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