I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
