WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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