Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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