My friends, they love my intelligence
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
