I intend to get homeless drunk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
