butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
