well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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