Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
