My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
