So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
