: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
