Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
