Do you still have your period?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
