She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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