That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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