those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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