i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
