wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
