i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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