how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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