I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
