FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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