I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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