you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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