This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I deserve this hangover.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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