party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
