Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
