Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
