Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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