so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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